@AristotlesNZ: My stalker sucks. She needs to try harder. I always have to keep going & finding her. It's like I'm following HER around. It's ridiculous.
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@SteveKoehler22: For fun, the next time you have an attractive waitress- Order a "quickie" then act surprised when she tells you it's pronounced "quiche"
@tbhstop: has a fever: i'm ok coughs out lungs: i'm ok throat on fire: i'm ok is hungry: death, despair and chaos has entered my life
@MavenofHonor: Listen, I've been stuck atop this condemned lighthouse for weeks now, and you don't hear me complaining. No one does
@personontheweb: we just got new auto insurance and my mom was supposed to text our agent pictures of her car: