@thesulk: My stomach just made the sound of a 68-year-old Long Island woman seeing her granddaughter for the first time.
YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE
@ChaseLori: Only people who've walked into a sliding glass door can laugh when a bird crashes into a window. Everyone else who does it is a racist.
@MumsieEsq: Tweets are like your children: you love them all at first, you never know how they’ll age, and most of them you regret creating.
@TomSchally: I hate it when I forget my password and the security questions make me relive all of my childhood.