@SexySpainNights: My swear jar has more money in it than my bank account
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@liv_thatsme: "Don't you wish you had children?" Me: Don't you wish you had money, free time, & sanity?
@2tickytacky: I went into a store with my kid and came out with a different one by accident. This one is a keeper. He says he does brake work. Well see.
@HeyZeus666: Some people will believe anything if you start with 'This is just between you and me'.
@WhatevaConc: [At the register] "Find everything ok?" "No I figured I'd get in line, pay for just a few things, then start the process all over again."