@B0niferd: My swimsuit told me to go to the gym today but my sweatpants were like nah girl you're good.
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@DiamondGirl127: "Iowa man arrested after fight over peanut butter and jelly sandwiches" - I'm just gonna assume this is 1 of you guys
@noogscorner: Luke, I am your father. Man you should see your face right now. It's all like waaaaaat no way.
@kcmoore51: 16: My friend is coming to get something while we're gone. Me: Should we leave a key? 16: No, she'll just go thru the doggie door again.
@JermHimselfish: Grapefruit juice tastes like orange juice that just found out it has to work on it's day off.