@mynameshank: My therapist cries "Why me?" for the full hour.
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@AndyAsAdjective: *accidentally grabs a fork from the silverware drawer instead of a spoon but I'm too lazy to go back so it takes me 47 min. to eat my soup*
@perlapell: Hey Young Girls, when a first date suggests you two go to "your place", take him to Target.
@truegritrumble: FRIEND: Did you hear there is some guy on the loose stealing puppies? ME: That's terrible! *my backpack starts barking*
@drunkNnaughty: I have CDO. It's like OCD, but the letters are in alphabetical order. Like they should be.