@lovemydogduck: My therapist says I have a preoccupation with vengeance. We'll see about that.
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@QwertyJones3: "Dog Detective, how can I help you?" MY PERSON THREW THE BALL AND I CAN'T FIND IT "Did you check his hand?" NO HE THREW IT ALR... oh wait
@plank_sinatra: What if toilet plumbing was really like those tubes at the bank and all the tubes just went to this one guy's house and he's really pissed
@leyawn: me at five am: should i sleep for two hours or stay up me at now am: Did my coworker just say "email" or "bee jail". what did the bee do
@QueefTornado: Wife was feeling kinky last night so she got naked and I tied her to the headboard, then me and my buddy ordered pizza and played X-Box.