@lovemydogduck: My therapist says I have a preoccupation with vengeance. We'll see about that.
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@TheTweetOfGod: My advice for anyone who wants more followers is simple: Form them from dust and breathe into their nostrils. #workedforMe
@trojansauce: GIRL: would you like to go out for dinner sometime? ME:*nervously looks around* MY MUM: *appearing from nearby bush* he only eats lunchables
@bmarked21: Don't expect me to tweet between 8 & 9 pm because that's when I dress like Madonna for an hour and dance provocatively in front of my pets.
@withanewname: [seaworld] "Hey what happened to the new guy?" -He tried to have sex with the dolphin in tank 6 "But there's a shark in tan.." -BINGO!