@AaronCSU54: My therapist thinks meeting women on twitter for sex is a bad idea. His wife disagrees.
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@zachreinert03: As I get closer to 30 I start to worry about more big picture things like famine and over population in my apartment
@Skullcat: My autopsy is going to be surprising as hell because I am 100% filled with mashed potatoes
@Playing_Dad: Cop: GET DOWN ON THE GROUND Me: I didn't do... Cop:*cuffing me* Dispatch, we have a creepy clown in custody Me: These are my regular clothes
@dshack8: You don't know shit about pressure until you're the only Black person on the dance floor while white people clap & form a circle around you.