@BromanConsul: My therapist told me today that I need to stop talking to inanimate objects, but I mean he's just a lamp so what does he really know anyway
YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE
@Reverend_Scott: DAD: Your mother and I love you very much, and I'm not sure how to tell you this, but... you're adopted. DOG: OMG THAT'S IMPOSSIBLE
@MsCarlissima: To convince my boss that I'm keeping busy, I periodically yell "YOU THINK THIS IS A GAME?" into my phone, then slam down the receiver.
@BradNewsBears: Cashier: Hello Me: Is it me your looking for... I can see it in your eyes.. Cashier:... Me: Sorry, this is my first rap battle.
@internetluke: [police show picture of my dead body at bottom of stairs to wife] "Why no pants on?" We think he tried to jump into his pants & fell