@AndyAsAdjective: My three biggest fears are mouses, wolfs & proper pluralization.
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@Thedudish: My neighbor's dog is so popular that every time he barks, the neighborhood dogs RT him.
@weinerdog4life: If you're ever attacked by a bear play deaf, be like "I can't even hear you bear"
@UNTRESOR: The inventor of the USB cable died recently. They're still trying to figure out which way to put his casket in the ground.
@thatdutchperson: I wish I had the exciting social life my mom must have envisioned when she used to stitch my name into my underwear.