@mauleePillar: My toddler appears to know a magic spell to transform any space into a Hoarders episode.
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@DanMentos: me: excuse me but is the pilot vaping? flight attendant: no there’s a fire in the cockpit me: oh thank god
@darksidedeb: Maybe I'm driving around with my coffee on the roof because I want to cool it down. YOU DON'T KNOW.
@HatfieldAnne: Googles “what happens if you accidentally eat raw cookie dough” [5 minutes later] “twice”
@shadonium: Her: Show me your pics Me: Ok *blackberry restarts* *waiting* *gets married* *have kids* Son: Dad, your phone finished restarting *dies*