@slimmy_shady: My tongue was actually in the Guinness Book of World Records until the damn librarian kicked me out.
YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE
@Reverend_Scott: [on date] Ok, don't let her know ur a vampire. Her: I think I'll have a steak. A STAKE?? [turns into bat and flies away]
@4handfuls: AC changed "laughing at your gif" to "laughing at your God" and now I've accidentally started a religious war in this group text...
@PussycatPlace: A blonde walks into a doctor’s office and says, Doc, I’m horribly sick! The doctor looks at her and asks, flu? No, I drove here.