@hunz74: My twins hate to brush their teeth. So I just convinced them that it's fun to brush someone else's teeth. Problem solved.
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@alexjmann: I'm going to need to see a warrant before you look through any pictures on my phone besides the one I show you.
@stephenjmolloy: Me: "I'd like to withdraw 3 sausages and a packet of peanuts please." Man: "That isn't how a food bank works, sir."
@NourHadidi: How to stop checking someone's Facebook page: 1. Delete your Facebook profile 2. Break your phone 3. Give away your laptop 4. Die
@ClichedOut: Exec 1: So, you wait in long lines. No shade. Crying kids. Drinks cost $7.00. Exec 2: Nice. What do we call it? E1: Lol, "amusement park."