@gneicco: My Twitter account would benefit from a breathalyzer-activated password.
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@MaryKoCo: This outfit is called Running Into Someone I Know Would Be The Ultimate Worst Thing That Could Happen
@bakerbakerbaker: friend: have u accepted jesus christ as yr savior so u can be allowed into the kingdom of heaven? me: who all going?
@Fred_Delicious: "Ok folks who ordered the macaroni & bees?" "you mean cheese?" [waiter struggling to keep bowl covered] "that does make more sense actually"