@gneicco: My Twitter account would benefit from a breathalyzer-activated password.
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@MODAT: Mom is flying into JFK during Friday rush hour. An 'anonymous tip' should allow me to pick her up at the TSA and avoid the terminals.
@ilovepie84: Somebody should tell Forrest Gump that on the back of the box of chocolates it tells you exactly what you're going to get.
@SortaBad: Babies are like Starbucks because they're expensive as shit and yet you still forget them on the roof of your car