@MODAT: Mom is flying into JFK during Friday rush hour. An 'anonymous tip' should allow me to pick her up at the TSA and avoid the terminals.

@ilovepie84: Somebody should tell Forrest Gump that on the back of the box of chocolates it tells you exactly what you're going to get.

@SortaBad: Babies are like Starbucks because they're expensive as shit and yet you still forget them on the roof of your car

@Sanbel11: 1.25pm: Do you love me more than football? 4.25pm: Yes, of course.

@trojansauce: [aquaman origin story] *falls out of boat* help! im drowni- oh... no, im good, actually