@ConanOBrien: My two favorite things about Easter morning are (1) hiding the eggs and (2) the looks on my kids' faces when the snakes start to hatch.
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@sammyrhodes: I love donuts so much I want to marry them. But then I'm afraid I would eat all our donut hole children.
@cat_whisperer_: Breaking: New torture report reveals CIA use of Facebook Year In Review videos.
@seandunn76: Alex: This term indicates a zero score in tennis. Contestant: What is love? *dance party erupts*
@tastefactory: "What's taking the pharmacist so long? It's just one prescription" *behind the counter the pharmacist is sinking in quicksand and screaming*