@ConanOBrien: My two favorite things about Easter morning are (1) hiding the eggs and (2) the looks on my kids' faces when the snakes start to hatch.
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@Fred_Delicious: Fun fact: Snakes don't exist. They were made up by scientists in 1923 as a joke that went too far so they just kinda rolled with it
@coketruck76: 13: Dad, do you believe in miracles? Me: Do you remember spray painting my car? 13: yeah M: Are you breathing? 13: yeah M: Well, there ya go
@Tuna_Lover: I'm 43 yrs old and still buying pot at a mall parking lot. On the flip side, Mom is 70 and still selling it there.
@d_duhwit: Possum man Possum man Does the 1 thing a possum can Trouble looms Over head He gets scared And plays dead Look out it's just the possum man