@WGladstone: My upstairs landlord asked if screams were coming from my apt or if she was dreaming. Either way, one of us has a terrifying neighbor.
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@Matt_The_1st: Not to brag or anything, but I scored 4 points on flappy bird before my phone mysteriously flung itself across the room
@iwearaonesie: dad: I can't find my glasses, can you read what this says for me? me: "Dad do you want to go to Home Depot" dad: [voice catching] Sure son
@myles_morrison: I practiced cursive for years in elementary school & my electronic bank signature still looks like it was signed by a drunk monkey.