@markleggett: My views are my own, although they're heavily based on some stuff Jon Stewart said on TV last night, and the general vibe of the internet.
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@FrenulumBreve: PIGEON MAGICIAN: I want you to pick a car, any car...DONT TELL ME!. Ok [shits on windscreen] is THIS the car you chose?
@better_off_dad: *reading note from son: 'Can I borrow your car later?' *response: 'You spelled 'wash' wrong. But yes.'
@chris_isloi: The reason your car won't go over 60 in the city is because you haven't yelled "HOLD ON!" yet.
@carlyken: Hello 911 my son is a terrorist he won't eat AMERICAN cheese. Almost two. Yes I'll hold. Hello Child Protection Services my son is a terrori