@man_spach: My walk of shame is putting back the 9 boxes of assorted cereals that my wife found in the grocery cart.
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@OfficialMizGin: Cologne companies have no clue what really attracts women. If they did, every bottle would smell like doughnuts.
@Reverend_Scott: I wonder if anyone besides me has the bumper sticker, "Proud parent of your wife's kid."
@pleatedjeans: [spider confronting me] him: yo did you steal my coat? me: [wearing 8-sleeved coat] no this is mine
@SweetTweetsBRO: I love when I'm walking closely behind a girl and she starts to speed walk away. It's like she knew I wanted to race all along.