@man_spach: My walk of shame is putting back the 9 boxes of assorted cereals that my wife found in the grocery cart.
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@RocketRankoon: Nothing says rock bottom quite like having your head in the oven for 45 minutes before you realize you forgot to pay the gas bill
@joeljeffrey: [At job interview] Interviewer: Do you have a police record? Me: No. But I do have a few of their albums on cassette *hires me instantly
@CornOnTheGoblin: [bar trivia night] and remember no using your phones unless it's an emergency me: [five minutes later] hello 911? are butterflies insects?