@man_spach: My walk of shame is putting back the 9 boxes of assorted cereals that my wife found in the grocery cart.
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@thelaurenobrien: Sometimes when I'm in the shower I'll hear a strange noise and start singing EXTRA good in case the intruder has some connections.
@XplodingUnicorn: 5-year-old: Why don't we say Grace? Me: I don't know. 5-year-old: Me: 5-year-old: Is it because your cooking makes God angry?
@flashember: [War of 1812] American: Let's invade the British North. Other American: Upper or Lower Canada? A: idgaf LATER: