@TheTalkingPipe: My way or the highway. It takes two to tango. What I'm saying is, "welcome to idiom club". Now, let's cut to the chase.
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@Dawn_M_: Homeless people are so lucky. They don't have to pay rent and can eat as many pigeons as they want.
@ohpeetie: Cop: "Can you describe the person who robbed you?" Me: "He had on a black shirt and hat with a green apron and charged me $6 for coffee"
@jordan_stratton: COACH: You miss 100% of the shots you take. ME: You mean, don't take? COACH: No. You are, by far, the worst athlete I have ever seen.
@caroline_umc: Ever been so completely out of toilet paper that you send your kid next door to get some? Me neither, I just like to embarrass my kid.