@Smiilze: My welcome mat says, "Oh shit! Not you again!"
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@Ilovelamp1979: Every idiot in Florida just turned on their electric heater & they crashed the grid. Now I'm forced to watch my neighbor sleep in the dark.
@RealCarrotFacts: You can tuck a carrot into bed , but it won't know what you are doing because he's a carrot
@EndhooS: Me: sorry I can't make it to your party tonight but I'm kinda popular & I can't jeopardise that by being seen with you.. Daughter: wtf dad?
@gylertagan: [Property Brothers] Turns out all the electrical wires in this house are Twizzlers so we're looking at another $3000 added to the budget