@RickAaron: My wife and I have been happily married for two years. 1997 & 2004
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@blade_funner: Look picnics, if I wanted to spend three hours protecting my food with a spork, I'd just go to prison.
@jwoodham: INTERVIEWER: If Harry Potter was real, what Hogwarts house would you be in? ME: What do you mean "if" Harry Potter was real?
@thenatewolf: HER: it's so romantic when the power goes out ME: listen if we don't eat all this ground beef we'll have to throw it out
@WilliamRodgers: How to get a job on Game of Thrones: Q: Can you act? A: Sorta Q: Will you get naked? A: Yes HIRED!