@KentWGraham: My wife and I have different beliefs about death. I want to be cremated when I die, and she wants to cremate me now.
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@desi_princess: Why is it whenever we see a police car, we drive like we have 10 kilos of cocaine and a stolen baby in the car?
@crouton_futon: "Oh shit I murdered someone" "You should turn yourself into the police" "Great idea!" *puts on badge and hat* "Looks like a suicide to me"
@XplodingUnicorn: 5-year-old: Dad! Dad! My sister- Me: Stop tattling. I don't want to hear about it unless there's blood. 5: Me: 5: How much blood?