@KentWGraham: My wife and I have different beliefs about death. I want to be cremated when I die, and she wants to cremate me now.
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@archerenemy: Twitter...because if it can't be described in 140 characters or less, did it really ever happen?
@sparklepants4: its raining men! hallelu..*thud* omg are you ok? *thud* oh sweet jesus! *thud* *thud* oh the horror! *thud* WHY GOD? WHYYYY??
@fletchworld73: So after vacuuming with the new Dyson, I'm pleasantly surprised to learn that the carpet upstairs is actually hardwood.
@mjkspeaks: Told my kid that he had a viral infection and now he’s excited because he thinks he’s going to be famous online.