@Henry_3k: My wife and I just renewed our vows of celibacy.
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@BeardedSteel: *stealthily lowers myself from the ceiling into co-worker's office *sprays breath freshener into his mouth before the meeting *retracts
@KyleMcDowell86: Juror:We find the defendant- *pizza guy bursts in* "Ive got 2 pizzas for Not Guilty" Defendant: Im Not Guilty Judge:NOT GUILTY *bangs gavel*
@InternetHippo: If Trump is so bad why does he visit a homeless shelter every day? [someone whispers in my ear] I am now being told it’s to taunt them