@Henry_3k: My wife and I just renewed our vows of celibacy.
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@MesutOzilClass: Arsenal did the mannequin challenge for 89minutes at Old Trafford and still drew.😂
@iAmDelFreaky: Me: Take my pic *hands him camera & giggles* Him: What's funny? Me: Nothing. Him: *presses button, explodes, dies* Me: Ha! Photo bombed!
@dancefeverbarbi: I am so lazy that when I dropped the soap in the shower, I just sat down & took a bath. That was 2 hours ago. I'm still here.
@rockymomax: COP: drop the gun CRIMINAL: no COP: [flipping through police handbook, whispers to partner] it doesnt say what to do if he says no