@OleThickHawk: My wife came into my room at the ER and started unplugging stuff and flipping switches until she realized that I had just sprained my ankle.
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@ChipKellysBalls: Why is it the the people who drink the most Red Bull are the people who seem to have the least going on?
@BFNotAllowed: My boyfriend isn't allowed to break up with me. You wanna see other people? Look out the window.
@Blue_Crab: My BFF asked me to watch her purse while she went to the bathroom. I asked her what it was going to do. I'm hilarious. Everyone says so.