@alfageeek: My wife is getting rid of all the clutter. If you see the kids and me standing out by the street, it means we didn't make the cut this year.
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@TheBeerGuy73: I'm skipping the gym today because I already have a six pack... waiting for me in the fridge at home.
@daemonic3: [art store] You do free framing? "With any purchase" Ok, just this pencil and [slides a gun with wife's fingerprints] you know what to do
@HollyMemphis: When a movie says "Based on a true story." it means this is sort of what happened but with way uglier people.
@loribuckmajor: Made plans to exercise with a friend and now I have to go get in a car accident.