@GrantTanaka: My wife is gone for the next 3 days, so if any ladies out there want to come over & yell at me to take out the garbage & not have sex, hmu
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@LizHackett: I seem pretty put together for a grown woman who imagines she's traveling through a wormhole each time she pulls a turtleneck over her head.
@cat_whisperer_: Breaking: New torture report reveals CIA use of Facebook Year In Review videos.
@Brampersandon_: JUDGE: so u plan to plead insanity? ME: let me double-check with my counsel *A googly-eyed sock puppet whispers in my ear* ME: yes ur honor