@corysnearowski: My wife is upset we can't afford a vacation this year because I kept paying the kids to behave while I was driving
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@SatansTongue: Aw look he's about to say his first words! "Say dada!" *baby opens mouth* Here it comes! *airhorn noise*
@Parker_Simpson: I trust a woman ab as far as I can throw her. Very far. As far as she wants. I'll do anything plz come back to me *cries into pillow*
@seanyeatts: Growing up means you start to find it creepy that your dad's pet name for your mom is "Squirty"