@corysnearowski: My wife is upset we can't afford a vacation this year because I kept paying the kids to behave while I was driving
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@murrman5: "the immaturity and the copying are my main issues" I say in a whiny voice as my wife storms out of the counsellors office
@neiltyson: Don't know whether to be disturbed or enchanted that the word sesquipedalian is onomatopoetic
@TheChrisAngel: By tomorrow night America will be in a turkey induced coma. On Friday...Canada attacks.
@badbanana: I'll be signing books at Barnes & Noble from 6 p.m. to whenever they kick me out for ruining all their books.