@max_pad21: My wife just gave me that come hither look and when I come hithered she pointed to the trash
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@WildeThingy: In the UK we celebrate Thanksgiving as the day we managed to ship all our paranoid religious fundamentalists off to another continent.
@ThatsSarcasm: *Picking up my kid from school in 20 years* Me: Yo shawty leggo. Kid: Please no. Me: Stop hating YOLO. Kid: You're embarrassing. Me: Swag.
@crylenol: *pops out of casket at funeral* ok but when I actually die you guys better have nicer things to say