@max_pad21: My wife just gave me that come hither look and when I come hithered she pointed to the trash
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@rodtopia: I once dated a woman who thought windmills were solar powered. I'm so glad I don't drink anymore.
@BuckyIsotope: *pregnant wife wakes up* I think my water broke *I hide the Kool-Aid packet and water jug I spilled in bed* Let’s go to the hospital
@MelKassel: *pulling up to toll both with megaphone in hand* Booth operator: ma'am please not again Me: someBODY once tolled me—
@Cpin42: Before murdering someone ask yourself: Am I justified? Will I find forgiveness? Did I pay for the shovel in cash?