@max_pad21: My wife just gave me that come hither look and when I come hithered she pointed to the trash
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@Not_a_JesusGirl: There is nothing funnier than yelling "SHE'S STEALING MY BABY!" at a mom having a hard time with her kid in public.
@mattingebretson: Whenever someone starts checking their phone when I'm talking to them I like to regain their attention by combing their hair