@squirrel74wkgn: My wife looks like the cats in those cucumber videos when she turns around & sees me naked.
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@bobvulfov: ME: why is my son failing TEACHER: just because u gave him that name doesnt mean he'll be intelligent ME: [gasping] cover ur ears Smartboy
@SortaBad: Judge: Ms Spears, how do you plea? "I'm not. that. innocent." *frustrated defense counsel tosses like 9000 papers in the air*
@IamEnidColeslaw: "911, what is your emergency?" I got stuck in a beaded curtain "Again?" SEND HELP
@GaryJanetti: Don't send an email if you're angry. Wait a while. Have a couple of drinks. Get yourself really worked up. And then send it.