@novicefather: My wife said her new addiction is goji berries but I'd prefer she get addicted to something cheaper like cocaine.
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@TwinSurvivalist: Let's not buy them two of all the same toys we said. It'll teach them to share, we said. We are idiots.
@SteveSuckington: [quietly opens a beer] Funeral Director: seriously?! Me: oh sorry [reaches into cooler and hands him one]
@jergarl: After walking 500 miles and then 500 more, it turns out the door was mediocre at best. 3/5 stars.