@jus4golf: My wife said she for Lent she was giving up eating meat. I thought she did that after the wedding vows.
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@shutupmikeginn: Me: your freezer went out I had to eat all the ice cream sandwiches Friend: it looks like someone kicked the outlet back into the drywall
@BlindChow: [1st moon landing] Mission Ctrl: Be sure to say something important & profound Neil: Ok *steps onto moon* Neil: *clears throat* I'm a vegan