@Parentpains: My wife said she wished she never woke up this morning. Turns out we do have something in common.
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@TattleTSister: "I don't need more than 4 hours of sleep" I say proudly while spooning dish washer detergent into my coffee.
@Jay_FrickinLynn: [Giving a toast] "It was when I was entering blackout that I realized I forgot the Plan B at home. Happy 1st birthday, you little accident."
@AGreaterMonster: The mechanic has informed me that the shrieking sound I hear in my car on my way to work is apparently me.
@Wakenbake77: if you come trick or treating at my house you will leave with less candy than what you had