@novicefather: My wife said that if I lose my job, she's divorcing me. So I need suggestions here, people. What are some terminable offenses these days?
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@Moldy_Jellybean: My signature move is getting drunk before anyone can ask me to be the designated driver.
@Thee1_4U: Everybody is complaining about their significant other, and I'm over here trying to keep mine charged above 10%.
@007Pepe_Rex: Relationship status: I ran out of toilet paper a week ago. Update: I am now running out of paper towels.