@simoncholland: My wife said we would save money on Halloween candy if we bought it at Aldi so I guess we're handing out Twicks, Skattles, and 4 Musketeers.
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@TheBoydP: Purgatory is like approaching a flashing stoplight. The light at the end of the tunnel is blinking and no one knows what to do.
@DirtyySouthMess: Me: Pretty sure my life just flashed before my eyes. Trainer: You only did a single push-up. Me: Call my mother and tell her I love her.
@KalvinMacleod: ME: A bag of my favorite peanuts has gone missing. LIAM NEESON: How did you get this number?