@simoncholland: My wife said we would save money on Halloween candy if we bought it at Aldi so I guess we're handing out Twicks, Skattles, and 4 Musketeers.
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@WeissBrandon: Cop: know y I pulled u over? Wife: to invite me to the state trooper's ball? Cop: state troopers don't have balls Me: BAHAHA Cop: drive safe
@UrbanDouchebag: I'm going to hire a Priest, a Doctor and a Rabbi to walk into a bar together just to see WTF happens. Backup Plan: I'll also bring a horse.
@catstronomical: Cat: [I am the cousin of tigers, leopards, lions, panthers, and pumas] Me: *putting tiara on cat's head* you're a pretty pretty princess!