@ScottyDsntKnow3: My wife thinks I'm too impulsive. How the hell would she know? We only met last week!
YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE
@michael_raphone: [In the gym] hey guys it'd be a lot easier to lift these weights if we worked together
@GuyEndoreKaiser: Yes, curling is silly and basically janitorial work, but that guy's gonna have a gold medal, and all you'll have is your joke about curling.
@PaperWash: [wife gets home] did you feed the baby his spinach today? [me doing push ups] hell no I'm not letting that baby get stronger than me
@papasuncle: Me: Goodnight moon Moon: night. Me: What? Moon: nothing. It's fine. Me: You're acting distant Moon: I'm 238,900 miles away