@ScottyDsntKnow3: My wife thinks I'm too impulsive. How the hell would she know? We only met last week!
YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE
@TheRolo: I ran out of coffee this morning, beer seemed like an acceptable replacement. Everyone is so pretty today.
@PharmerRPh: Judge: "Reason for divorce?" Me: "Reconcilable differences." Judge: "Don't you mean irreconcilable?" Me: "Ugh. You sound just like her."
@Bandersnaaatch: Trapped on a train in the snow, and honestly, none of these people look appetizing.
@spittingllama_: When a girl tells u about her favorite animal - "I'd eat one" is not the right response.