@BradBroaddus: My wife told me to find someone else if anything ever happened to her so I don't know why she got pissed when she found my "prospects" list.
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@abhorrent_wife: Everybody's getting Oreos with their Christmas cards this year. Related: Don't eat cookies while you're licking envelopes.
@MarfSalvador: teacher: we found drugs in your son's school bag me: oh wow ok teacher: it's worrying me: very *rubbing chin* he should've sold them all by now