@doublewenis: My wife used to get so fat that she had to go to the hospital; then a person would fall out of her. That doesn't sound normal.
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@3sunzzz: [first day in prison] "I need to speak to management. There is no way I can use this generic bar soap on my face."
@Dawn_M_: A guy told me I'm bad at flirting and I got so mad I took back all the dead birds I nailed to his door.
@iamspacegirl: if squids were land animals sometimes you'd be walking along and you'd look up and BAM squid in a tree