@doublewenis: My wife used to get so fat that she had to go to the hospital; then a person would fall out of her. That doesn't sound normal.
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@MikeCanRant: Summer Safety Tip: Before swimming in the ocean, cover yourself in gluten to lower the chances of being eaten by health conscious sharks.
@Ryan_Patricks: Pretend it's a beer... Pretend it's a beer... Pretend it's a beer... - Me trying not to drop a baby.
@TheBoydP: The hardest part of being a dog is not understanding why squirrels don’t want to play with you.