@doublewenis: My wife used to get so fat that she had to go to the hospital; then a person would fall out of her. That doesn't sound normal.
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@mama_earp: Announced sternly to students today that "only hard things are worth doing!" In other news, I have a bunch of parent emails to respond to.
@painted_eel: *whispers to old lady at Starbucks* one time they ran out of coffee here and we ate a baby
@theshantilly: Me: What's w/the ice pack? 12: I have a headache. Me: Do you think it's a good idea to play video games if you have a headache? 12: Yes.
@rickkondell: Dear autocorrect, please stop changing my rude words into nice ones. You piece of shut.