@juliussharpe: My wife wants to have another kid. That's like seeing light at the end of a tunnel and saying, "I think we better turn around."
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@man_spach: Just saved a bunch of money on my Glenn from The Walking Dead Halloween costume by not showering for a month.
@bobvulfov: [funeral] WIDOW: i—i just cant believe he's gone ME: hey [putting my hand on her shoulder] u parked ur car directly behind mine so im stuck
@Social_Mime: Doing word problems as a kid as helped me in adulthood. "Dan doesn't have enough money for his bills, how long before he is homeless?"