@Adam14: My wife's so square in bed she has cubic hair
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@UncleDuke1969: Inspirational Tweet: Found the sock gone missing 7 weeks ago in today's clean laundry. Sometimes they come back, people. Keep the faith.
@JermHimselfish: Me: And then, for absolutely no reason, they changed the stars to hearts! We were all so mad Syrian Refugee: omg please send me back
@daemonic3: "Ok, what chemical symbol should we give this Gold?" *thief runs by, steals gold* "Hey! You!" Au, got it. Next element.
@lazerdoov: Break into your neighbor's house every night but don't take anything just put a cape on their dog