@kyle_thatisall: My will has a list of friends not allowed to speak at my funeral.
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@whippedjelli: if you wear a bikini instead of a bra you can go out with wet hair & people will just think you've been swimming which is athletic not lazy
@onion_an: [coming home from cinema] Don't let that ninja film go to your head again. *roundhouse kicks the light switch on* "I won't"