@kyle_thatisall: My will has a list of friends not allowed to speak at my funeral.
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@nbadag: DATE: so...this is your place? ME: yea...not fancy but it suits me. *opens flap of bouncy house* oh, also do you mind taking off your shoes
@cepheusjackson: [GRAND CANYON] WIFE: Isn't this incredible? ME: It's ok. WIFE: Were you expecting a thousand canyons? ME: I don't want to talk about it
@primawesome: *Superman saves the city by throwing a nuke into the ocean* Crowd: Yay!!! Aquman: Dude...