@RandomAntics: My yoga instructor said "sometimes not moving is the hardest thing for us to do," and I started laughing so hard I had to excuse myself.
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@adamisacson: Canadians would be chagrined to know how many Americans think a "Vancouver" is a big tarp for your VW microbus.
@samuelhlowe: When I go to someone's house & they tell me to make myself at home, the first thing I do is throw them out because I don't like visitors.
@Cheeseboy22: Not one person has been eaten by sharks yet this week. Probably the worst Shark Week ever.
@onion_an: Me: Waitress, can I ask you something about the menu please Waitress [slaps my face]: The men I please, that's none of your business