@darksidedeb: #MyIdeaOfKinky is sending you a picture of me in my bra.
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@AnOrangeSNES: [Commercial for narrators] Narrator: Don't you wish someone would tell you important information in a soothing voice? NARRATORS
@jergarl: I finally saved up enough money to listen to my heart but it turns out that's just a metaphor. Anyway, I have stethoscope for sale.
@kimwilliamz: When somebody I blocked gets RT'd into my timeline it's like they're violating their restraining order.