@RobotThomas: Nah nah nah nah nah nah nah nah.....
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@NotKarma: Just once I'd like to meet a person whose job is to make captchas so I can slap him in the face for making my life difficult.
@kendragaylord: [Whole Foods] Woman: MY COCONUT WATER BROKE! *I drive her to the hospital and she names her first coconut after me*
@goodersuk74: I got a new stick of deoderant. Instructions said: 'remove cap & push up bottom'. I can barely walk but when I fart the room smells lovely
@OhNoSheTwitnt: Coworker: I never would've guessed you're in your 30's. You look so young. Me: I'm old at heart.