@dlockw21: Name dog. Call dog every derivative of that name but the actual name.
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@splashguts: I just purchased duct tape at the Dollar Store to fix all of the other shit I bought at the Dollar Store. Life is going exactly as planned.
@jonnysun: ME EVREY MORNIG: nonono no noNO no NONO NO!!! ME EVREY NIGHT: u know wat wil make my morning amazing?! setting my favorite song as my alarm
@internetluke: Man down! Send in back up! *wife comes rushing in the room* "What happened?!" *i dip another chip in the salsa to rescue the broken chip*
@imchriskelly: At grandma's. Which means this morning I woke up at 8:45am and was still greeted with, "Look who's finally up. We thought you were dead!"