@dlockw21: Name dog. Call dog every derivative of that name but the actual name.
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@dyldonot: [first date] me: [don't let her know you're a microwave] her: my food is a bit cold me: [my head starts slowly rotating]
@QwertyJones3: "That Will Smith is a nice young man, I hope he wins Celebrity Apprentice." No Grandma, that's Ben Carson and this is the Republican Debate
@poizngrl: The difference between kids waking you up and an alarm clock, is that you can throw the alarm across the room