@stevevsninjas: Named my band Scheduled for Demolition so whenever it appears on a marquee, confused people write angry letters to the city council.
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@kathybotteas: Back in the day my parents wanted me to marry only one of my own. Now they're like "That orangutan looks nice. That elephant looks smart."
@CherBear162: Hi..You've reached my voicemail. I could come to the phone right now but I saw your name on caller ID so leave a message..or not.
@JennyJohnsonHi5: I kinda want one of those priest collar thingys. If it gets me through airport security fast AND keeps kids away from me. I'm in.
@TheMichaelRock: Ghostbusters is my favorite movie where Bill Murray yells at a giant marshmallow man for stepping on a church.