@izrigrod: Naming your cat "Whiskers" is like naming your kid "Eyebrows."
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@elizabeth_fels: [Club] Me: *has debilitating crush on a nerd* Nerd: What you feel is a burst of norepinephrine increasing arousal and focus- Me: *swoons*
@TheToddWilliams: [boss's office] BOSS: Do you like my fire place? ME: Actually, it's one word: "fireplace" BOSS: You're fired ME: Oh, I get it now
@weinerdog4life: When there were a lot footprints in the sand, that was a bunch of jesus's chasing you
@SlipCarefully: Forgot my phone and had to write my tweets on paper and pass 'em around at the meeting. nnDidn't get any stars. nGot RT'd to HR.