@DanKCharnley: Neat, your girlfriend is made out of the same stuff as your air guitar!
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@SirEvisiae: *pretends to throw ball* *dog runs to chase it* Ha, stupid dog. *dog keeps running, disappears over horizon* Um *dog tackles me from behind*
@ehdannyboy: Wife: [looking out of window] Go and talk to our son. He's outside looking forlorn. Me: [goes outside] *points to grass* it's there u prick
@Snarfernini: I never trust a Tom. They are far too often involved in foolery or peeping for my liking.
@Carmel_Coleman: Your car won't start? Have you tried getting out of it and then getting back into it again? That usually works for my computer.