@robdelaney: Need special medicine for our son’s kidneys but we can’t afford it because we bought printer ink last week :(
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@InternetHippo: [Martian welcoming party] We’re so excited to welcome our friends from Ear—ok it’s another robot car everybody. Why do they keep doing this
@ArfMeasures: LEADER: Welcome to Sarcasm Club ME: I thought this was Gullible Club L: No..but we're all SO happy you're here M: That's so nice thanks!
@TheLastVirgo: The moral of Little Red Riding Hood is: 1) Never trust strangers; 2) Learn to differentiate facial features between a wild dog & a human.