@Whitnuts: Negative pregnancy tests, because everyone loves good news on a stick
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@P1ssed_K1d: Accidentally played dad instead of dead when I encountered a bear and now it can ride a bike without training wheels. #circuseverydamnday
@MichaelTrying: Top 3 screwdrivers: 1. Tool for turning screws 2. Vodka and orange juice 3. Method of Uber payment
@BuckyIsotope: AVENGERS ASSEMBLE THOR - "here" HULK - "here" IRON MAN - "here" CAPT. AMERICA - "here" USELESS ARROW GUY - ... I SAID- HAWKEYE- I HEARD YOU
@LurkAtHomeMom: If you haven't told your kids that wine is made out of whiny children then congratulations I guess you're a better parent than me.