@Whitnuts: Negative pregnancy tests, because everyone loves good news on a stick
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@seantgreen: One of Jesus' most impressive accomplishments was being 33 years old and still having 12 really close friends.
@SortaBad: No one in my entire life has believed in me more than the waiter who just gave me a single napkin to use while eating my lunch
@markleggett: Clinton and Trump now enter the part of the election where they each have to spend a week looking after an egg with “America” written on it.