@Nocturnesthesia: Neighbor may have just called the cops after hearing me yell at the cat for stealing my cheese bread
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@Kraz60: Of course I believe you are God's gift to women. He gave us periods and painful childbirth. Why not you too?
@ScottLinnen: Dropped my Ant Farm and now the rug is like the first 30-minutes of Saving Private Ryan.
@shiksaaa: My boyfriend said he had a Catwoman fantasy. I must have misunderstood because we both wore leather cat suits to bed last night. Awkward.
@sweetandweak: Daughter just told me, "Dad, I don't make sandwiches, I eat sandwiches." One day her picture will be on money.