@nicfit75: Neighbors having their yearly Xmas party. Not invited again. So don't tell me the screaming drunken outdoor fights don't pay off.
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@Douchekevin: Girlfriend kept nagging me to take her home to meet my family, so I did. Her and my wife aren't getting along.
@BromanConsul: "Is your refrigerator running?" "Hasn't decided yet," I say, winking at my refrigerator & hanging up. A "FRIDGE 2016" banner hangs above him
@Jacob_Swift16: Me: do you want to hear what happened to the last guy who threatened me? Bumper cars operator: i meant your time is up, like for the ride